fabrecation | 024 [Voice/Video]

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024 [Voice/Video]

[When the journal opens, there's a redhead who looks as if he wants to do nothing more than climb into a bed and sleep. A good explanation for that should show itself just as he opens his mouth to speak.]

Hey –

[Because he suddenly lurches forward and coughs harshly, though he tries ducking out of view of the camera. There's a slight sniffle before he leans in again, just after he wipes his mouth and nose with the back of his hand. His cheeks are slightly flushed, too, with signs of a fever.]

I'm back. Anyone know what day it is? [And he ducks his head again to cough, though not quite as hard as before. As for the question? Because he'd really like to know how close it is to that accursed Valentine's holiday.

... But now that he's got that journal open, he pauses, looks off with an expression of uncertainty towards the village and flexes his left hand, then squints slightly as he works on a filter. Ugh, it's hard to work with this stupid foggy ache in his head. Yet he knows that it'd be dangerous otherwise, especially with the topic of his questioning.]

[Filtered to Jade... and Dist//100%]

Could you take a look at me when I get back to the village? Something happened to me back there... [He does hate getting examined, especially for medical reasons. But this is extremely important.]

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[ Three hours. Those are three very long, hard hours. She knows he must be alright - must be, if the other replies she can see and hear are any indication - but it's nerve wracking nonetheless. She wants to be able to touch his face, feel the warmth and realness of him. Then she'll actually believe he's okay.

So the instant he replies she's there, still concerned and by now a little fraught. She doesn't smile, but her voice is gentle. ]

Why don't I come to you?

Yeah... okay. It's the Battle Dome clinic, so...

[He rubs the back of his neck. God, he wants to see her, to hold her and not let go. To cry on her shoulder, even though he won't let himself do that. He'd absolutely give himself away if he did.

At the same time, he wants more time to himself. He needs more time to compose himself so that he doesn't want to cry on peoples' shoulders. But the former outweighs the latter, so he looks at the journal with a half smile.]

You're going to use a portal, huh? [Which means he has to stop himself from jumping when it pops up.]

Yeah. [ Finally she does smile, gentle and wan. ] It won't be right next to you, though. I mean ... I don't know where in the clinic you are. [ Her laugh is faint. ] I'll be right there.

[ True to her word, about five minutes later she's at the clinic. She's come to know it like the back of her hand, and it doesn't take her too long to find Luke. Her reaction is immediate, of course, when she does -- she goes to him, and pulls him into her arms as gently and carefully as she can manage. ]

[That's all right with him, and he makes it known by his little chuckle and raised eyebrow. Well, at least he won't jump. That's always a good thing for his nerves.

And soon enough, she's there, and Luke puts on a smile - he's fine, look at him, he's pale and flushed and maybe even looks unstable but he's fine. He opens his mouth to greet her, too, to tell her he missed her -

Then he's in her arms and she's holding him, and she's so gentle... it's like he could break. Which could be the case, considering how he's been feeling for the past hour.

The smile falls. He stares at the wall past her shoulder for a moment, and for some reason he keeps focusing on her hair and how it moves ever so slightly when he breathes out. How long is it going to be until he can't run his fingers through it and see her smile up at him with that fond expression? She's so warm, too... How long will it be until he can't feel her warmth anymore? Even... Even if it's only for a week, he...

It's as if weakness itself suddenly laces through his arms and legs, and he can feel an awful sting in his eyes and a suffocating lump in his throat that makes it hard to breathe. He fights it as hard as he can, but he can't help squeezing his eyes shut as he lowers his head against her shoulder and brings his arms up to grip the back of her shirt.

He can't do this. He loves her so much and he doesn't want to do this to her. She's holding him like she cares for him and loves him more than anything else and he...]

[ Something's wrong.

It's not like she hadn't already guessed at things being amiss. But his reaction, the silence and the way he holds her, confirms all her worst suspicions. Were everything fine, just fine, he'd be acting fine. If it was just a cold ... then why wasn't he speaking?

Something very tight and very cold settles in the pit of her stomach, and she breaths out, long and slow. ]

Luke.

[ Her voice is so soft. ]

What's wrong?

[He shakes his head against her shoulder.

Please. Please don't make him say it. Please don't make him panic again, please don't make him acknowledge what's happening, please...

Please don't make him break her heart just like his own did when she held him.]

[ ...

Okay, screw it. She crawls right up into the bed with him and continues to just hold him, saying nothing.

If this is what he needs, that's fine. She can do that, be that, for him. ]

[He wants to fight this. He wants to pull back and smile and apologize, tell her that it was really rough when he was kidnapped. Hell if he can remember what happened, but hey, it must've been bad if he's reacting like this, right? Also they gave him a cold.

But he's been so open with her all this time that the excuses and the smiles that he usually keeps on reserve seem so far out of reach, and every time he touches one it feels as if he touched fire instead.

And now she's on the bed with him, holding him and being there for him. It's so, so obvious that something's wrong, and if he keeps it up, he knows it'll be even worse. She'll ask questions, and he'll have to answer.

It's because of that that he told himself he wouldn't cry on her shoulder.

His shoulders shake, and he takes in a shuddering breath as the stinging in his eyes spreads and begins to form wet spots on her shoulder.

Luke's never felt so vulnerable in front of her before, though he can remember that talk they had about Akzeriuth, how fearful he was and how he cried there, too. That was him when he was showing her the worst side of him, the criminal, the murderer. This is him showing her the scared child who's afraid of something, who can't say what he's afraid of lest he causes those around him, and himself, to shatter.

There are so few people he can be a child in front of. The only one he can even remember doing so with was... his best friend back home.]

[ Her silence remains. It's not so long ago that she held Roxas while he cried on her shoulder, too. And this is so chillingly similar, so familiar, her heart is already breaking.

Something is so wrong she might be unable to fix it. And that thought is terrifying.

But right now Luke is crying like something's broken in him, and all she can do -- all she wants to do -- is hold him as tight as she can. One of her arms stays very right around his back, but the other moves up so she can tangle her fingers in his hair and cradle his head against her. After a quiet moment of his tears, she presses a kiss to his forehead, then just keeps on holding him. ]

[Luke is always so used to straightening his back and moving on; it never mattered, his problems and his emotions never mattered, not in the face of a world about to meet its destruction. They had to be pushed aside to only show themselves at night, when he's alone and dreaming of every single life he took. Trying to talk about it never helped, and he was only scolded for bringing it up. Eventually, it was something he got used to, and he used the excuses and the distractions as a way to keep sane.

So here he is, crying on the shoulder of someone he loves and having his defenses utterly destroyed. How is he supposed to build himself up again, keep himself safe again? Even though he feels safe here and he'd rather just stay there forever -

After she kisses his forehead, Luke sniffs and pulls his head back a little - he can still feel the fabric against him, but he's not pressing anymore.]

Sorry. [Come on, Luke, do more than that:] I... got your shirt wet. [That's dumb, Luke.]

[ She only brushes her fingers through his hair again and again, a soothing, repetitive motion, and presses her lips to his forehead once more. This time she lingers, warm and gentle, before pulling back to speak. ]

It's okay. I don't mind.

[ The hand in his hair slips down, instead cupping his jaw, and she runs her thumb along his cheekbone. She doesn't make him look up at her, though she's hoping he will. ]

You don't ... you don't have to tell me what's going on, Luke. Not if you're not ready. I just ... I want you to know that no matter what it is, no matter how bad or awful it might be, I'm not going anywhere. I love you.

Edited 2012-02-16 00:03 (UTC)

[Luke doesn't look up. Not yet. He loosens his grip on her shirt, enough so that his arms can slide down and hold her around the waist. After a moment of repeating her words in his head, he shuts his eyes again and leans forward to rest his forehead against her collarbones, so that he can tuck his head under her chin.]

I'm sorry. I... [I want to tell you. I want to tell you so badly, but I can't say it, if I say it then I'll want to run away and scream. And I'll have brought you down with me, wouldn't I? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so scared right now.] ... I love you. Please don't... [Don't leave me, even when I do tell you. I know it's going to hurt, but please...]

Luke. [ And in her voice is steel. She sits up, this time actually lifting his head so he has no choice but to look at her, and in her eyes, there is fire. ]

Nothing, nothing, could ever make me leave you. Not anything. [ ... and then her voice softens, as her thumbs gently stroke his face. ] You're the only person in all the worlds I could ever love this much. Why would I ever go anywhere?

[And he does look at her now - he doesn't really have a choice in the matter. Listens to her say those words, really listens, and lets it play in his mind.

Nothing could make her leave him... What if this hurts her? What if it hurts so much that she can't deal with the pain? What if... God, he knows she loves him, so...

His gaze drops to her stomach as he tries to turn it around in his head - if she were dying from something incurable, what would he do? It hurts to think of, but...

He'd stay with her. Try to let her live without thinking of that imminent death, because life is best lived without that constant fear. He knows that now more than ever. And he thinks... maybe, if she knew, if she found out or if he told her, she might do the same thing. It would hurt horribly, but... she's strong. And if she loves him like he loves her, then maybe... she would do that.

Luke is still afraid to say it. Not just of her reaction, but his own, too. Still, he sits up slowly, too, and just looks into her eyes for a moment. There's fire in hers; one that's determined and burns brightly, but gently, intent on warming rather than burning. It's a contrast to the cool, ocean color of her eyes, and he can't help marveling. What a sap he is, heh... When'd he get to be like this? He can remember the first day they were really really together, how he had a hard time even saying "I love you".

He brings his hands up to push strands of hair behind her ears, and his fingers travel below them, until they rest at the nape of her neck. And then he shuts his own eyes, and finally smiles. It's faint, it's small, but it's the first real smile he's given all day.]

... I know. [He takes a moment, just to breathe and listen to her do the same.] I'm... too scared to say anything right now.

[He only just found out, after all. If she came by later, a day later or even a few hours later, he's sure he would've composed himself enough to come up with a fantastic cover up. The thought makes him feel awful, and even though he feels extremely vulnerable, he's still glad it turned out like this.]

But I'll try telling you when I can. [And hopefully that means she won't find out by him suddenly dying one morning. Erk.]

Edited 2012-02-19 11:58 (UTC)

[ She gives him the time she needs. There's a faint shiver in her core, something she can't identify, when it becomes clear he's not going to crack and confess what's wrong. How does she feel about that, really? Angry? Upset? Scared? Relieved? How are you supposed to feel, when the person you love comes back from a kidnapping and bursts into long, painful tears when you hold them?

There is fear in her heart. But she buries it, unable to help a smile of her own, reflexive and sad, in response to him.

The pads of his fingers brushing lightly over the skin of her neck produce a small rise of goosebumps, a rush of sensation that breezes down her back and diffuses quick and quiet. But that does nothing to assuage or soothe the ice that forms in her gut at his next works. I'm too scared to say anything right now.

Too scared. What could he be so scared of? Does this have something to do with the hyperresonance? Will something go wrong? Is he scared of hurting someone? Or himself? What's to be afraid of...?

In the end, she has no more words to give. She's so scared and so upset, but he seems so much calmer in comparison. And dragging him down with her isn't an option. So instead she closes the very small bit of distance left and kisses him, trying to tell him without words, Okay. I'll be waiting. I'll be right here when you're ready. ]

[... Ah. There are tear tracks on his face, his nose is probably still a little runny, his lips are still twitching slightly, his hair hasn't been cared for in a few days, he's pale and flushed and he has an awful cold and he probably just looks absolutely horrendous and she still kissed him like that.

He really didn't deserve someone like her.

He shuts his eyes and returns her kiss, his hands moving up to entwine into her hair, like he wants to give a message back to her. Thank you. I love you so much I can't even say how much.]

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024 [Voice/Video]

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[action] i apologize for this tl;dr

[action] oh please you're not really sorry

[action] no not really