[replica model] • LUKE FON FABRE (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fabrecation) wrote2012-02-06 07:56 pm
fabrecation) wrote2012-02-06 07:56 pm
024 [Voice/Video]
[When the journal opens, there's a redhead who looks as if he wants to do nothing more than climb into a bed and sleep. A good explanation for that should show itself just as he opens his mouth to speak.]
Hey –
[Because he suddenly lurches forward and coughs harshly, though he tries ducking out of view of the camera. There's a slight sniffle before he leans in again, just after he wipes his mouth and nose with the back of his hand. His cheeks are slightly flushed, too, with signs of a fever.]
I'm back. Anyone know what day it is? [And he ducks his head again to cough, though not quite as hard as before. As for the question? Because he'd really like to know how close it is to that accursed Valentine's holiday.
... But now that he's got that journal open, he pauses, looks off with an expression of uncertainty towards the village and flexes his left hand, then squints slightly as he works on a filter. Ugh, it's hard to work with this stupid foggy ache in his head. Yet he knows that it'd be dangerous otherwise, especially with the topic of his questioning.]
[Filtered to Jade... and Dist//100%]
Could you take a look at me when I get back to the village? Something happened to me back there... [He does hate getting examined, especially for medical reasons. But this is extremely important.]
Hey –
[Because he suddenly lurches forward and coughs harshly, though he tries ducking out of view of the camera. There's a slight sniffle before he leans in again, just after he wipes his mouth and nose with the back of his hand. His cheeks are slightly flushed, too, with signs of a fever.]
I'm back. Anyone know what day it is? [And he ducks his head again to cough, though not quite as hard as before. As for the question? Because he'd really like to know how close it is to that accursed Valentine's holiday.
... But now that he's got that journal open, he pauses, looks off with an expression of uncertainty towards the village and flexes his left hand, then squints slightly as he works on a filter. Ugh, it's hard to work with this stupid foggy ache in his head. Yet he knows that it'd be dangerous otherwise, especially with the topic of his questioning.]
[Filtered to Jade... and Dist//100%]
Could you take a look at me when I get back to the village? Something happened to me back there... [He does hate getting examined, especially for medical reasons. But this is extremely important.]
[action]
But he's been so open with her all this time that the excuses and the smiles that he usually keeps on reserve seem so far out of reach, and every time he touches one it feels as if he touched fire instead.
And now she's on the bed with him, holding him and being there for him. It's so, so obvious that something's wrong, and if he keeps it up, he knows it'll be even worse. She'll ask questions, and he'll have to answer.
It's because of that that he told himself he wouldn't cry on her shoulder.
His shoulders shake, and he takes in a shuddering breath as the stinging in his eyes spreads and begins to form wet spots on her shoulder.
Luke's never felt so vulnerable in front of her before, though he can remember that talk they had about Akzeriuth, how fearful he was and how he cried there, too. That was him when he was showing her the worst side of him, the criminal, the murderer. This is him showing her the scared child who's afraid of something, who can't say what he's afraid of lest he causes those around him, and himself, to shatter.
There are so few people he can be a child in front of. The only one he can even remember doing so with was... his best friend back home.]
[action]
Something is so wrong she might be unable to fix it. And that thought is terrifying.
But right now Luke is crying like something's broken in him, and all she can do -- all she wants to do -- is hold him as tight as she can. One of her arms stays very right around his back, but the other moves up so she can tangle her fingers in his hair and cradle his head against her. After a quiet moment of his tears, she presses a kiss to his forehead, then just keeps on holding him. ]
[action]
So here he is, crying on the shoulder of someone he loves and having his defenses utterly destroyed. How is he supposed to build himself up again, keep himself safe again? Even though he feels safe here and he'd rather just stay there forever -
After she kisses his forehead, Luke sniffs and pulls his head back a little - he can still feel the fabric against him, but he's not pressing anymore.]
Sorry. [Come on, Luke, do more than that:] I... got your shirt wet. [That's dumb, Luke.]
[action]
It's okay. I don't mind.
[ The hand in his hair slips down, instead cupping his jaw, and she runs her thumb along his cheekbone. She doesn't make him look up at her, though she's hoping he will. ]
You don't ... you don't have to tell me what's going on, Luke. Not if you're not ready. I just ... I want you to know that no matter what it is, no matter how bad or awful it might be, I'm not going anywhere. I love you.
[action]
I'm sorry. I... [I want to tell you. I want to tell you so badly, but I can't say it, if I say it then I'll want to run away and scream. And I'll have brought you down with me, wouldn't I? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so scared right now.] ... I love you. Please don't... [Don't leave me, even when I do tell you. I know it's going to hurt, but please...]
[action]
Nothing, nothing, could ever make me leave you. Not anything. [ ... and then her voice softens, as her thumbs gently stroke his face. ] You're the only person in all the worlds I could ever love this much. Why would I ever go anywhere?
[action] i apologize for this tl;dr
Nothing could make her leave him... What if this hurts her? What if it hurts so much that she can't deal with the pain? What if... God, he knows she loves him, so...
His gaze drops to her stomach as he tries to turn it around in his head - if she were dying from something incurable, what would he do? It hurts to think of, but...
He'd stay with her. Try to let her live without thinking of that imminent death, because life is best lived without that constant fear. He knows that now more than ever. And he thinks... maybe, if she knew, if she found out or if he told her, she might do the same thing. It would hurt horribly, but... she's strong. And if she loves him like he loves her, then maybe... she would do that.
Luke is still afraid to say it. Not just of her reaction, but his own, too. Still, he sits up slowly, too, and just looks into her eyes for a moment. There's fire in hers; one that's determined and burns brightly, but gently, intent on warming rather than burning. It's a contrast to the cool, ocean color of her eyes, and he can't help marveling. What a sap he is, heh... When'd he get to be like this? He can remember the first day they were really really together, how he had a hard time even saying "I love you".
He brings his hands up to push strands of hair behind her ears, and his fingers travel below them, until they rest at the nape of her neck. And then he shuts his own eyes, and finally smiles. It's faint, it's small, but it's the first real smile he's given all day.]
... I know. [He takes a moment, just to breathe and listen to her do the same.] I'm... too scared to say anything right now.
[He only just found out, after all. If she came by later, a day later or even a few hours later, he's sure he would've composed himself enough to come up with a fantastic cover up. The thought makes him feel awful, and even though he feels extremely vulnerable, he's still glad it turned out like this.]
But I'll try telling you when I can. [And hopefully that means she won't find out by him suddenly dying one morning. Erk.]
[action] oh please you're not really sorry
There is fear in her heart. But she buries it, unable to help a smile of her own, reflexive and sad, in response to him.
The pads of his fingers brushing lightly over the skin of her neck produce a small rise of goosebumps, a rush of sensation that breezes down her back and diffuses quick and quiet. But that does nothing to assuage or soothe the ice that forms in her gut at his next works. I'm too scared to say anything right now.
Too scared. What could he be so scared of? Does this have something to do with the hyperresonance? Will something go wrong? Is he scared of hurting someone? Or himself? What's to be afraid of...?
In the end, she has no more words to give. She's so scared and so upset, but he seems so much calmer in comparison. And dragging him down with her isn't an option. So instead she closes the very small bit of distance left and kisses him, trying to tell him without words, Okay. I'll be waiting. I'll be right here when you're ready. ]
[action] no not really
He really didn't deserve someone like her.
He shuts his eyes and returns her kiss, his hands moving up to entwine into her hair, like he wants to give a message back to her. Thank you. I love you so much I can't even say how much.]