[replica model] • LUKE FON FABRE (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fabrecation) wrote2012-02-06 07:56 pm
fabrecation) wrote2012-02-06 07:56 pm
024 [Voice/Video]
[When the journal opens, there's a redhead who looks as if he wants to do nothing more than climb into a bed and sleep. A good explanation for that should show itself just as he opens his mouth to speak.]
Hey –
[Because he suddenly lurches forward and coughs harshly, though he tries ducking out of view of the camera. There's a slight sniffle before he leans in again, just after he wipes his mouth and nose with the back of his hand. His cheeks are slightly flushed, too, with signs of a fever.]
I'm back. Anyone know what day it is? [And he ducks his head again to cough, though not quite as hard as before. As for the question? Because he'd really like to know how close it is to that accursed Valentine's holiday.
... But now that he's got that journal open, he pauses, looks off with an expression of uncertainty towards the village and flexes his left hand, then squints slightly as he works on a filter. Ugh, it's hard to work with this stupid foggy ache in his head. Yet he knows that it'd be dangerous otherwise, especially with the topic of his questioning.]
[Filtered to Jade... and Dist//100%]
Could you take a look at me when I get back to the village? Something happened to me back there... [He does hate getting examined, especially for medical reasons. But this is extremely important.]
Hey –
[Because he suddenly lurches forward and coughs harshly, though he tries ducking out of view of the camera. There's a slight sniffle before he leans in again, just after he wipes his mouth and nose with the back of his hand. His cheeks are slightly flushed, too, with signs of a fever.]
I'm back. Anyone know what day it is? [And he ducks his head again to cough, though not quite as hard as before. As for the question? Because he'd really like to know how close it is to that accursed Valentine's holiday.
... But now that he's got that journal open, he pauses, looks off with an expression of uncertainty towards the village and flexes his left hand, then squints slightly as he works on a filter. Ugh, it's hard to work with this stupid foggy ache in his head. Yet he knows that it'd be dangerous otherwise, especially with the topic of his questioning.]
[Filtered to Jade... and Dist//100%]
Could you take a look at me when I get back to the village? Something happened to me back there... [He does hate getting examined, especially for medical reasons. But this is extremely important.]
[Action]
Luke shuts his eyes, done with talking about this. Maybe he should eat... but he doesn't particularly feel like getting up now that he's sitting heavily in the chair. Ugh...]
[Action]
You need to eat, replica.
[Action]
I'm not hungry right now.
[Action]
[Action]
But Asch is right. If he doesn't eat, he'll just feel worse. No need to starve himself just because he's dying.]
... No. I know. [So, he scoots forward in his seat and slowly, slowly begins to eat. Considering he's already a slow eater, this might take a while.]
[Action]
...Still. When the dishes are finished, he lets his hands rest for a moment in the warm water, elbows on the counter. His voice is quiet when he speaks up again.]
It seems awful at first, but in a place like this, it's not so bad. Like a long sleep you can't wake yourself up from.
[Action]
Like a long sleep...
[Luke's voice seems a little dry, even after he just had a few mouthfuls of stew pass over it. In sleep... there was nothing. He's sure that you don't dream while you're dead. So when he dies, he'll just... be asleep. No memory, no sense of conscious or life, nothing.
It's why he felt so sick from each and every person he killed back on Auldrant. He took away their right to enjoy their life. He gave them nothing. Nothing but sleep.
His stomach is churning again. He shuts his eyes, and he feels his face burning even hotter thanks to that feeling.]
I just... [His voice wavers, but he moves on after that pause, uncaring.] I keep wondering if... if it'll hurt. O-Or even...
[He trails off, though there's lingering fear in his posture alone. Will he really come back? After a week, will he wake up with a penalty, or... will he just be asleep forever? Dist made it sound like the latter, saying that Luke would cease to exist. It was an awful choice of words, and Luke can't help turning it over and over in his head.]
[Action]
[Unfortunate, yes, and even the lack of finality about it can't stop it from causing as much of a grand upset as death back in Auldrant, but... it's so temporary. There's no rest, no end to everything, no peace.
He kind of hates that.]
[Action]
How do you know what it feels like?
[Action]
People live, and people die. It happens every day, on every world. He should know that better than anyone, after Akzeriuth. Death is inevitable, even for the strong. In this world, at least it barely even matters- one week, some small, temporary consequence, and that's all. Why is it even worth worrying about?
Because he's never felt it. Because for Luke, the fear of death is still very real. Because he cares, enough for the deaths of the people he l- ... cares about to matter. Asch realizes this. He recognizes it.
Even so... he doesn't have an answer.]
[Action]
Asch...! [But by that point, the dizziness is too much, and he has to shut his eyes and lower his head. His arms tremble as they support his weight against the table. When... When did Asch die? When? Did it have to do with all those scars he saw on his torso? Or was it something else? Was it here, or - no, Luke can't think about that. He can't, or else the ice gripping his chest will spread further and make him completely useless to Asch.
Asch... died once. The very thought of that makes that sick feeling turn violent, and he grits his teeth against it.
No. No, he can't have... If it happened then why couldn't Luke do anything -]
[Action]
Sit down before you hurt yourself, dreck. And worry about yourself before you worry about the people around you.
[Action]
Luke pushes the bowl of stew aside with one hand, then uses that arm to rest his head against while the other hand holds the damp cloth against his burning forehead. He needs to get a hold of himself... This is the first time he's had food in a while, and he can't lose it over this. Even though this is something awful and he almost wants to throw up at the thought of it.
... And he really can't help worrying about others before himself. He's done that ever since Akzeriuth, and he can't see himself stopping just because there's something direly wrong with him.]
[Action]
Listen to me. Look at me. I'm alive, I'm whole, I'm healthy- [sort of] And I'm not missing anything. Do I look like a dead man to you?
[He straightens up again, crossing his arms, though his eyes don't leave Luke's face for a moment.]
The past or the future doesn't matter. What's important is now. Maybe I died, and maybe you'll die- but it's not now. Don't waste your time moping or feeling sorry for the dead when they're alive and right in front of you.
[And that goes for your mirror image, too.]
[Action]
But he does look up with his eyes, and eventually tips his head a bit to give him his full attention.
... It's odd to hear Asch say that. That the past or the future don't matter. Asch, who's always clung so hard to the past, is saying something like that. It must've taken a lot... Or maybe it's just the fact that Asch has spent so much time here. This place can really make you think about things, especially since there isn't so much running around to do. Luke knows that for sure.
He is right, though. What matters is now. Even though the thought of Asch dying creates a hole in Luke's heart, his original is right here, living and breathing and talking to him and trying to calm him down. And he, too, was alive. He will die, yes... But what will he accomplish by sitting around thinking about it, constantly being scared of it until it swallows him whole?
Luke's silent for a moment as he turns Asch's words over in his head. The fact that he stares at the wall past his original with a slightly frown, occasionally glancing down at the floor, seems to indicate that. After that, though, he shuts his eyes, swallows down that bile and the pain in his throat, and manages a little smile.]
... You're right. Thanks, Asch. I'm pretty pathetic, huh... I keep worrying about this so much that I'm not even looking at what's right in front of me.
[Action]
[He reaches out to take the bowl of stew, setting it on the counter to let it cool down. He'll put it away and force it down the dreck's throat later if he has to, but perhaps now isn't the time. At least he ate something. That's actually more than he expected, after seeing Luke's condition when he arrived. It'll only get worse from here - though good days and bad days will come, Asch knows that much by experience - so he'll claim small victories while he can.
There's a long, quiet moment as Asch seems to consider something carefully, his hand paused against the counter, and then he adds-]
...You should consider hiding the Jewel in the mattress of your bed.
[Action]
Though he does keep that expression up at what Asch says next.]
Won't I feel it, though?
[Action]
[....
Okay, but seriously. His voice softens just enough to make his next words a little more meaningful.]
It might do some good while you sleep.
[Yeah, he knows about those nightmares, too. It'd be impossible not to, after this long.]
[Action]
[On one hand, Luke isn't sure if he can sleep with so much on his mind. But on the other hand, he's so tired... All those tests Dist performed really took it out of him. He still doesn't want to get off the table and all. Because clearly this table is awesome.
...
But seriously. He does shut his eyes and push himself up, but... he stops before he heads to his room.]
Asch? Could you do something for me later?
[Action]
What is it?
[Action]
When... When I die, could you take care of this for me until I get back? I don't want to lose it.
[Action]
But it's something, isn't it? It's definitely...
...tch.]
Fine, if it's that important to you.
[He says it dismissively, but there's something in his eyes that can't seem to be shaken- a hidden fear, some quiet kind of concern, or perhaps just understanding. He knows what it means, what Luke's asking him to do.]
[Action]
[Asch is the only one Luke can ask to do this. Well... It wouldn't be impossible to ask someone else, but the significance of it would be lost on anyone else. No one would understand it except Asch.
"I'm not leaving you.
Even if I die, I'm not leaving you."
Luke spends another moment to lean against the table, then pushes himself off to get to his room. He knows that he won't get that much sleep, no matter how tired he is. His mind will just be racing with thoughts of the future and of the present. Even so... he's glad he's had this talk with Asch. And he's glad Asch can do this for him.]