fabrecation | 026 [written]

[It's so bad now that Luke feels like he can barely get out of bed except for necessary needs. It's... honestly kind of strange. Sure, he's scared, and sure, he hates having to lay here and just wait for it to happen, despite writing and drawing to pass the time. But he isn't quite as terrified as he was just a month ago.

It's like he's accepted that this is happening in a quiet, somber sort of way.

There's pain every day, he's tired every day, he's thin and pale and looks as if he's just wasting away, as if he's all that's left after tiny pieces of himself slowly just... faded away. Even his hair seemed not quite as full as it ought to be.

He hated it, yes. But it's happening. And he's close to fading away completely, he knows that. Maybe that's why he's mostly okay with this. It can finally be over.

He'd only flipped through the journal to keep track of everyone. Now, though, he can't help being morbidly curious, in a way. So, making sure that he himself is out of sight, he writes slowly to the masses.]

If someone told you that you didn't have much longer to live, what would you do about it? What would you do with the last days of your life?

[It's a question that could be asked even by a curious healthy person, something to get people to think. He can think of it that way, and get answers that he might just need because of it.]

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Mine probably wouldn't forgive me either.

[...] But I think I'd want to die happy. Not be scared, and always be reminded of what's going to happen. I think... every time they looked at me and knew I was going to die, I'd just be reminded of what's going to happen, you know?

I know.

We know what's going to happen, so it's better to die without regret. Not spend the rest of your life worrying and being reminded of it. We know already.

[There's some pauses in his writing. Writing it out can be pretty hard. What to write down and how to phrase them right.]

So I want our last memories to be happy ones.

[That might be why he want to keep their Luceti memories, whenever he went home, for Atsuro's sake.]

That's how I'd feel, too. [Some already know. And every time they look at him, they always get this sort of... sadness. Frustration. It's in their eyes, even though they try to hide it. But Luke can see it plain as day.] So... If it happened to me? I'd probably just try to hide it. I know it's not a good thing to do. But if it means all of our last memories together can be happy? I think that's what I'd want.

[There's a dot on the page, where the tip of Kouki's pen touches the paper. He's reading Luke's response, thinking on what to write back. Then, his pen moves.]

Yeah. For me, I'd just have my friends acknowledge it and ask them to ignore it. Ignore it long enough for us to be happy for the last time.

That's all I'd ask for.

[There's a pause as well, though Luke keeps his own pen away from the paper, thinking of the response. It's after a moment that he writes again.]

But isn't that kind of a hard thing to ask? To ignore that they're going to lose you soon?

It might be. [A dot on the paper, where his pen is touching the page on his end. Then he writes.] If they can't do it, I'd understand. Maybe listen to their lectures as well.

[Knowing Yuzu, she might do it.]

I'd sure expect a lot of lectures from mine, if it happened. [There's a small pause, and a dot on the paper before he turns that into a word.] I'm not sure what I'd do if it were one of my friends. I mean... I sort of had that happen already, but - I know she's going to be okay.

[... It meant one of their friends had to die for it. But...]

Be supportive and just stay by their side. Just spending time with you, friend or family, should be enough.

[With limited time, any last moments they manage to spend will always be precious and special.

He knows this and being in Luceti just confirmed it to him (he have time to think, not plan for war).]

I guess that'd go both ways, huh... whether it's you or them.

Thanks. Sorry for picking such a depressing topic to talk about. [But, well. It did help him think about things a little more.]

Edited 2012-09-07 01:44 (UTC)

No problem. And it's alright. If my answer can help you out even a little, then I don't mind the depressing topic.

[Somewhat. It just reminds me, yet again, of his own missed opportunity.]

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