[replica model] • LUKE FON FABRE (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fabrecation) wrote2012-07-04 03:50 pm
fabrecation) wrote2012-07-04 03:50 pm
026 [written]
[It's so bad now that Luke feels like he can barely get out of bed except for necessary needs. It's... honestly kind of strange. Sure, he's scared, and sure, he hates having to lay here and just wait for it to happen, despite writing and drawing to pass the time. But he isn't quite as terrified as he was just a month ago.
It's like he's accepted that this is happening in a quiet, somber sort of way.
There's pain every day, he's tired every day, he's thin and pale and looks as if he's just wasting away, as if he's all that's left after tiny pieces of himself slowly just... faded away. Even his hair seemed not quite as full as it ought to be.
He hated it, yes. But it's happening. And he's close to fading away completely, he knows that. Maybe that's why he's mostly okay with this. It can finally be over.
He'd only flipped through the journal to keep track of everyone. Now, though, he can't help being morbidly curious, in a way. So, making sure that he himself is out of sight, he writes slowly to the masses.]
If someone told you that you didn't have much longer to live, what would you do about it? What would you do with the last days of your life?
[It's a question that could be asked even by a curious healthy person, something to get people to think. He can think of it that way, and get answers that he might just need because of it.]
It's like he's accepted that this is happening in a quiet, somber sort of way.
There's pain every day, he's tired every day, he's thin and pale and looks as if he's just wasting away, as if he's all that's left after tiny pieces of himself slowly just... faded away. Even his hair seemed not quite as full as it ought to be.
He hated it, yes. But it's happening. And he's close to fading away completely, he knows that. Maybe that's why he's mostly okay with this. It can finally be over.
He'd only flipped through the journal to keep track of everyone. Now, though, he can't help being morbidly curious, in a way. So, making sure that he himself is out of sight, he writes slowly to the masses.]
If someone told you that you didn't have much longer to live, what would you do about it? What would you do with the last days of your life?
[It's a question that could be asked even by a curious healthy person, something to get people to think. He can think of it that way, and get answers that he might just need because of it.]
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I don't know if I didn't make them sad or not. I don't think we can control that.
But they smiled for me, too.
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I'm sorry.
[Well... What else does he say to that? At least the guy didn't seem to be too troubled by it... He wonders if he could do that, too, when he came back.]
But... still. Smiling and laughing with your friends just reminds them that they're losing you, right? At least... it'd seem like it to me.
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We cannot shield their eyes from the truth anymore than we ourselves can deny it. Whenever they look at one who is dying, they will always think "Soon they will be gone." Nothing we do can change that, save for how much regret they have left over after we are gone.
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What if you went into this wanting to deny it, too? I know it sounds stupid, but it just sounds like something I'd want to do. If I kept thinking I was going to die... I think I'd just be scared the whole time.
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But we are all going to die sometime. Some of us are strangely and unfortunately blessed with knowing when it will come. I suppose that lets us try to make the most of the time we have left, though.
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I suppose coming to terms with it is the first step. We can't help others feel less sad if we ourselves aren't ready to face the future.
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