014 [Voice/Action]

[fabrecation]

[It's well into the night by the time Luke makes his way back to the apartment where he lives, a small bag with the belongings he brought with him being carried by his side. Unfortunately, it had rained while Luke was out there, so the mattress he brought along was ruined by the time he decided to head back. Thanks to the rain, his hair is also a mess, so he's not particularly happy.

He is, at least, much calmer than he was a few days ago. After his talk with Ion, Luke's had quite some time to think. Maybe he was being selfish... Maybe it would've been best to never know about any of it. But at the same time, he's glad to know. It feels like the wool's been pulled away from his eyes, and now he knows that he has to go back. Even if... he'd have to face Ion's death... there was still much to do. And here Luke thought everything was peaceful again...

He'd been thinking about the experiment, too. One that gave him a real life, a real family... He'd have to contact Paprika sometime. And how did Asch feel about it? Should he have stayed away? Well... There was only one way to find out.

That thought, though, makes him stop on the bridge by his community building. He has to wonder whether anyone else felt the way he did about some parts of the experiment... So, on a whim, he takes out his journal and pushes the voice option.]

Hey, does anyone else wish that some of that experiment was...

[Real? ...]

... Never mind, forget that. Uh... has... anyone gone camping before?

[... Stupid question. Luke shakes his head and shuts his journal with a light, frustrated little sound, then continues on his way to the apartment. If Asch was upset with him for that experiment, he'd soon find out about it.]

Comments

[dissonates]

Stop thinking only about yourself, you idiot! It isn't just for your sake that we're doing this!

[Naive- he's always so damn naive. It's taking all of Asch's self control not to march right over there and slug him one. Or better yet, leave and continue to ignore his existence.

Why did he think they could share an apartment again, exactly?]

[fabrecation]

This isn't just about me! If Ion ever goes back to Auldrant, I don't want to be okay with it and think he'll be all right there! I don't want to say the wrong thing to my friends just because I don't know any better! I don't want this to be like -

[Akzeriuth. The reason why he trusted Van and no one else. But it's so different that he cuts himself off and turns his head away while gritting his teeth. He knows what Asch is saying - it's for their sakes as well as his that they keep all of this a secret. But still...]

[dissonates]

You think you can make some sort of difference? People don't keep their memories of this place when they leave, and even if they do, someone's fate isn't so easy to change. Or would you rather save Ion and let Tear die?

[Her fonons were already contaminated, well before then- and with no cure, only medicine, her death was inevitable. The Fon Master's sacrifice was something to admire, not prevent- especially since without Tear's hymn, Van would never have been defeated, and Lorelei wouldn't have been set free. It was a noble thing to do, a death he could take pride in... at least he didn't die for no reason at all, like he did.

This is why it had been pointless to share anything with Luke- it's all or nothing, otherwise he wouldn't understand.]

[fabrecation]

[Yeah, Ion told him about that. Still, "Tear" and "die" in the same sentence makes him grit his teeth and jerk his head away to glare down at the floor. He's right... That wasn't the point Luke was trying to make, but Asch is right about that. No one Luke knows has been able to remember Luceti when they go back home.]

I know... I know. But I don't want to just tell Ion that we'll all go home together and not know any better... I don't want to just think everything's going to be okay when they're not! [He looks back at Asch again.] Did you know I didn't want to go home before this? That I thought the world was just fine without me there?

[dissonates]

I guessed that. Your lack of self worth is so obvious is almost tangible. If you're still thinking that way, then you're no better than you were in Akzeriuth. [Thinking too much or too little of oneself- they're just two opposing extremes. It's pathetic and irritating and it pisses him off more and more any time it comes up. Is he really that thick-headed?]

[fabrecation]

[Luke glowers down at the floor again. He was... happy here in Luceti. In Auldrant, he was worthless. He was a replica, something to be feared. His father locked him up again and regarded him with an awkward tension as well as his usual aloofness, and his mother... well, she treated him the same, and she was the only one. Even the maids treated him like some kind of wild animal on a thin leash, even the knights wondered if they should really serve him, knowing he wasn't the real Luke. They were all afraid of him, all cautious, all so... hateful.

In Luceti, no one cared what he was. He was still well liked, had a lot of friends, and even had a girlfriend. The experiments sucked and the war was something Luke could do without, he knew that for sure, but...

He was still happy. And he was content, thinking that Auldrant didn't need someone like him anymore. With the outer lands lowered, it should've still been peaceful. Maybe everyone would get over how hard it is to get over the Score... Maybe everyone would get along.

How naive.]

... I'm not. Not anymore.

[dissonates]

Then prove it. Stop acting like a spoiled brat and think about going home where you're needed!

[Yeah, he just said that. Deal with it. And hopefully the distraction would stop him from thinking overmuch about the future, at least where he's concerned.]

[fabrecation]

[He can't help thinking about the future. But... Asch's words to prove to be a distraction. Is that really what he's acting like? Is he no different from when he had long hair, when he was so...

Luke lets out a sigh, and he shuts his eyes and leans forward a little to let his forehead rest against the door.]

Have I changed at all?

[dissonates]

[Asch honestly doesn't want to answer that question; it's complicated, and the answer is both yes and no at the same time. He never really watched Luke change back home- over the course of his journey, he noticed things as they came, sure, but there was still that crippling belief that he wasn't worth anything, that he was just a replica, that he didn't belong at home. Such an absurd and extreme difference from the behaviour of before- the bratty, spoiled, ignorant little noble child who cried at death and couldn't take responsibilities for what was handed to him. So much of who Luke is, who he was back home, was a collection of extremes and idiotic beliefs.

Everything that enraged Asch.

And then after the Tower of Rem, after everything, he'd resigned himself to work with them, and... Luke had placed the last burden of their goals on his shoulders, expectantly, confidently. "We'll get you to Van," he'd said. Because he's the original, he's the stronger one. Because Luke can't do it, because he believes Asch can.

Never thinking he could be wrong- that Asch wasn't strong anymore, that he'd already lost most of his fonons, that his body was falling apart at the seams when no one was watching. How ironic, that they'd share the same fate like that, and neither knew what the other was experiencing.

"I'm not you!"

But then... he'd been so caught off guard that he couldn't do anything but lash out. To imagine Luke as becoming more than a replacement, a replica- it had scared him, threatened to ruin the calm he'd somehow found for himself when facing his own demise. If I die, there's another me who can take over. If I fall there's another me who will finish it. Relying on his replica and believing in another person, in Luke, were two very different things. He never wanted that.

And this isn't that Luke. This is the weak Luke, the inferior, the one who believes he's a worthless replica. Who has yet to acknowledge himself as a person.

Luke did change - he does, he will - but the changes he's gone through right now aren't the sort of changes anyone could admire or respect, especially not Asch. He's not there yet.

Asch is probably quiet for so long that it seems like he won't respond at all, but finally, very quietly, he does:]

You used to put yourself above everyone. Now you see yourself as beneath them. When you find some kind of balance between the two, I'll acknowledge you.

[It isn't much - and really, it isn't even an answer - but short of telling Luke his future, it's what he has to offer.]

[fabrecation]

[Luke opens his eyes to think about Asch's answer. He's changed, he has - but that's not enough for Asch. Having too much confidence in himself wasn't enough, and not having any wasn't enough. Will he ever be acknowledged by Asch? Only when he reaches some kind of middle ground?

How will he ever come to that? Everyone at home would look at him with fear or pity; pity because so much has happened to him, so much has been flung at the poor replica who's too much of an idiot to learn; fear because he's different, a fake, a weapon. Everyone in Luceti treated him better, but no one could ever know what it was like to live knowing that you're a mere replacement. Not even that, but a temporary replacement, meant to be thrown away. Meant to kill thousands, then to die himself. Who could ever live with that? Who could ever be confident with that? Why couldn't Asch just...

But he... He wants to try. For Asch. For himself, too... For the people who believe in him. For Guy... who always wanted him to like himself again. It's not going to happen right away; Luke can't just fake confidence, lest Asch grows even more annoyed with him. But wouldn't it be so nice, to be confident in himself again? He already thinks that being a replica isn't so bad... What's one step further? Or several?

It'll be so hard... Yet he'd give anything to be able to stand by everyone else without thinking he doesn't deserve it.

He shuts his eyes again.]

I want to find it. Just... give me some time to do it, okay?

[dissonates]

[Asch makes a noncommittal noise in response, shifting in his seat and reopening his journal. It seems as though Luke is at least giving it some thought, which means he's making progress. He won't hold his breath about it, but he'll take what he can get for now.]

You seem to have plenty of that in this place.

[Hell, even Asch seems to have been given extra time. And speaking of which, he needs to reschedule with Dist...

...bleh. Later, he'll think about it later.]

[fabrecation]

... Yeah.

[And with that, Luke finally opens the door to his room and slips inside. He needs some time to think now, and respond to everyone else.]