fabrecation | 013 [Voice/Actionish] (Backdated to the day before the event)

Entry tags:

013 [Voice/Actionish] (Backdated to the day before the event)

[Ever since that battle with Vanitas and his talk with Asch afterward, Luke had been feeling absolutely exhausted. He'd spent all day, all night, and then all day again in bed, which surprised him a little. Hyperresonance had never worn him out that much before... Then again, he never actually tried it in Luceti apart from his training with Asch, and never in combat like that. It's the next morning when Luke finally feels energized enough to get back to his daily routine.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first. Sure, there was no breakfast, but it's not like that was too unusual. Maybe enough to make him raise an eyebrow, but he shrugged it off and made himself some toast with butter and cinnamon. That seemed to be one of the few things he couldn't ruin, even if the meal wasn't all that fulfilling.

It's as the day goes on that something seems to be wrong. The silence could always be from Guy managing Good Spirits, but a quick check made him see that Guy wasn't even there. Sure, he could be somewhere else, but... without even checking in on him? Even at his worst, by this time Guy would always come by to see if Luke was okay and if he needed anything. It was always a little annoying, but... it was routine, too. A routine that's never broken easily.

It's late in the afternoon by the time Luke flops down in one of the chairs and frowns as he stares worriedly down at the floor. Something about this feels wrong. He's kind of afraid to check on Guy, because what he finds might just be everything he feared. It'd be easier to just pretend things were okay, to think that Guy's just off somewhere and that he'd be back later. Maybe he finally went to bring Asch back from wherever he was. Maybe he just went to do some errands. ...Very long errands.

But he can't keep doing that forever. He shuts his eyes, then stands and heads towards Guy's room.]

Guy? Guy, come on. [Luke's at the door now. He raises his hand to push it open... turns it into a fist, and brings it back down to his side.] ... Look, whatever I did, I'm sorry. Just... open the door, okay?

[No response. Luke purses his lips and tightens the fist at his side, then forces himself to relax it enough to raise his hand and open the door.]

Guy...

[Somehow, a part of him was expecting this. It was only a quiet, little part of him though, one that would be pushed firmly away by denial and what he felt was rationality. Even now as he stares into the completely empty room, a wave of rejection comes over him. No, maybe Guy just cleaned his room way too nicely. It continues even as Luke steps slowly into the room and looks into the closet, checks the drawers, even peeks under the bed: No, Guy's just having a massive cleaning day. He just moved to another room - Luke even tries to make sure by checking all of the other rooms, his steps quickening into a run by the time he goes upstairs, calling his name uselessly. No, Guy's just...

He's just...

Luke finally stops at what used to be Natalia's room. It was just the same with her: Everything was gone. All that was left was an empty space where his dear friend used to be... Just like Guy's room.]

[It takes a long while before Luke thinks to at least let everyone know what happened. He'd sat on what used to be Natalia's bed with his head in his hands and quietly thought of things that would take away the fact that Guy was gone and mentally berating himself every time his breathing hitched.

It takes another few minutes for Luke to actually get up and go to his room, where his journal lays on the nightstand. He rests one hand on the journal while the other reaches up to wipe at his face, trying to make himself look at least somewhat presentable.

... But when he does that, he just wants to cover his face, turn away and leave. To get away for a while, because now the house felt too empty, but... He shakes his head to himself and flips the journal open, keeping his head ducked down to hide whatever emotion he might be feeling.]

Guy... went back to Auldrant.

[That's all Luke can say before he shuts the journal and leaves it behind.]

[[ooc: ~~Just a fair warning, Luke might not reply to some of the responses.~~ Null and void since I am terrible at that. 8| He's a sad puppy right now and all. He can be caught wandering around the village, though, if you want to talk to him!]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't need you! Not you, not anyone! Not ever!

[Which is a lie, of course- as much as he wishes it wasn't true. He'd needed help. He'd needed Van, back when he'd been abandoned by everyone else. He'd needed Noir, Ginji, and the others to save him when he'd been so close to bleeding to death before the Radiation Gate. He'd needed Luke, the one who'd been here before, to keep him alive just long enough for a healer to save him when he'd been brought back to Luceti full of holes and choking on his own blood. He'd... he'd needed Guy to teach him how to trust people again, how to love them.

But Guy isn't here anymore, and that desperation, that pain is what's left behind. The ache he'd thought long ago that he would be used to feeling already... the knowledge that he's meant to be alone. He can't keep a firm grasp on his thoughts anymore; they're too wild and uncontrolled, trickling in between waves of varying emotions, the sickened misery beginning to show more than his rage, though it's still obviously prominent.]

...I let myself get complacent here. I won't do it again. I won't... I don't need anyone anymore! Go!

...Can't I ever keep what's mine...?

[Luke had to clear his mind, otherwise he'd get overwhelmed by all of the misery leaking through, everything that Asch had been holding back. There's even that sense of... loneliness, that was it. It's barely there, but enough for Luke to pick it out.

So, he lifted his head and forced himself to relax, to stop rejecting those feelings. It felt both better and worse at the same time; it didn't hurt all over physically, but now he really, truly felt those emotions as if they were his own. It was enough to make tears spring up in his eyes, and he pressed his hand against them to keep them in check. Crying over their link would just be pathetic.

Asch was... so alone, wasn't he? He always had been. And now he's embracing it all the more. But that last part - that quiet little admission gave Luke some hope, at least, and he clung on to that. Now that he's relaxed, his speech comes more easily as well as his own emotions that flow into the link.]

... I'm your replica, Asch. [Strangely, there isn't any shame when he says that. Instead, there's... pride. He's never admitted that he's a replica, particularly Asch's, without a hint of sorrow or shame. But now...] I'm still here, and I don't want to leave without you! You hear me, right? I'm not going!

[And at those words, the tone Luke takes as he speaks, everything just... stops. Asch falls silent, the connection withering like a poisoned flower. It doesn't break completely, but the overwhelming emotions that had been flowing through it so constantly are now more like a flutter, a heartbeat of pain.

I'm your replica, he'd said. Freely, without force, or coaxing, without shame. Instead...

...pride? Is that what he's feeling? Is that Luke? It must be- he knows, knows it isn't his. His pride is buried too much right now. There's too much inside him.

I'm tired. I'm so tired...

...of feeling like this...

But what else is there for him, now? What else is left? Sooner or later, everything fades. Everyone leaves. He lost everything once, and then Van betrayed him. Everything he gained in Luceti... it's fragile, a tentative peace that can be broken so easily.

Luke could be gone tomorrow. He could be gone tomorrow. And he almost wishes for it- does wish for it, even, though only through sheer stubbornness alone does he make sure that Luke doesn't see the reason why. At least then it would be over at last. He'd die like he was supposed to, and he could rest. There's no point in trying to get home alive now, after all.

No one remembers Luceti. What's waiting for him there? Who?

When he speaks again, his voice is quiet, dull; resigned to a fate he won't share or explain.]

...It's better this way, Luke. I can't go back. Just go.

[And everything... subsided. It was still there, like a faint heartbeat that called out for him, but it didn't bowl him over and threaten to crush him anymore.

Thanks to that, Luke stood up, one hand still gripping his head, and walked. He wasn't sure where he was going, only that his feet were taking him there - which was good, considering how heavy the pain in his head was. He couldn't even see straight, but he didn't particularly need that. Maybe he was following that pulse of emotions; he wasn't sure. But even with that uncertainty, he was still confident in where he was going. He wouldn't get lost. Someone was... hopefully waiting for him at the end, after all, and that's what kept him going with each heavy step.

A part of him wondered if maybe it was better to leave, to give Asch some more time to let this pass over. But the other side of him was much more stubborn than that and much more determined to at least grab Asch and let him know that at least one person wanted him back. Luke wouldn't let him isolate himself again. Not to the extent that he did back on Auldrant, anyway.]

Do you remember what I told you before you left? That I'd follow you anywhere if it meant finding you or bringing you back? I meant it. I'm not going. I'm not leaving you.

[Asch doesn't respond for a long time; he remains a quiet, flickering presence in Luke's mind, watching, waiting, as if trying to test his replica somehow. If he really wanted to come for Asch that badly, to endure the pain, the anger, the abuse... what could he do? Maybe he could force Luke to turn around and go back, but with Luke so stubborn and strong, and Asch in the state he's in...

...could he even pull it off like this? He's not sure anymore. He hates that feeling, too. He hates being unsure, hates being afraid, hates...

...hates...

So much. He hates so, so much.

How can anyone stand it?

Eventually, Asch speaks up again, his voice so hushed it's probably hard to hear, which makes the tone even more difficult to perceive.]

You said you wouldn't chase me. You promised.

[During that long pause, Luke kept moving, even though it felt like moving through a haze. Occasionally, he had to stop and just get his bearings and make sure he wouldn't stumble to his knees, but even after that, he'd keep walking. It was hard to move like this, but... Asch was there - it was worth trying to get past it all.

He's much closer by the time Asch's voice reaches him again. He had promised, hadn't he... And promises were important to him. He'd followed this one for so long, and now he was breaking it. But... Luke didn't feel all that guilty about it. His voice, however, sounds a little more strained; it was hard trying to get it out there when he was more focused on walking in a straight line.]

I didn't... say I'd abandon you. Be-Besides, if I don't chase you... You might disappear. You said you wouldn't...

[... It's very close now. So close that Luke finds the nearest tree and leans heavily against it while he speaks out loud.]

I... finally found you. [He doesn't even have to look up to realize that he did.]

[Asch feels Luke's arrival before he sees or hears it, and with a hushed exhale, he releases the link, letting it fall to a subtle level of existence between them- a feeling of connection, persistent and fluttery, like a trapped moth batting at the insides of two enclosed hands. There, but not painful. An awareness of one another's presence, perhaps?

And Asch finally lifts his head from his knees, curled up against the same tree, about 90 degrees from where Luke stands. His expression is still haggard, his eyes red, though not wet as one might expect them to be. Besides looking up, he doesn't move.]

...It's fine. [He might've disappeared, it's true. And maybe not come back at all. Even he doesn't know, which is why he can't deny it.] Someday, I'm going to break a promise, too.

[Even if Luke won't know until it's too late.]

Edited 2011-03-28 13:37 (UTC)

[The pain had gone away completely, enough for Luke to let out a soft sigh and open his eyes to take in Asch's appearance; even at this angle, it was easy to tell that he looked worn down, as if Guy's return finally broke the camel's back. And he can't blame him, but he's still never seen Asch like this. The stronger original that he's always had in his mind was never like this...

But it didn't scare him, or weird him out, or make him feel sympathy or pity. Maybe it was because of the awareness of Asch's presence, like hands that stayed entwined even after everything; maybe he was tired and drained, too... Whatever it was that made Luke so much calmer about this than he would have been, it makes him move around the tree and sink down to sit beside Asch and dare to lean against him a little, shoulder to shoulder. He pulls his knees up and wraps his arms around them, unaware that he was mimicking Asch's position, and stares out ahead of him.

So, Asch will end up breaking a promise, too, in his future... A small feeling of dread climbs, but is easily pushed down. Luke doesn't really want to know what that promise is going to be.]

It's hard to keep them sometimes... I don't think we should be angry at each other for breaking a few promises.

[Asch barely reacts to the sudden weight against his shoulder- not to welcome it, or reject it. He simply accepts his fate, if only because he's too tired to keep fighting it. His attempts to drive Luke away, coupled with the anguish he'd been wallowing in all day has only served to make him feel more weak and pathetic than ever.

It's irritating... so irritating. Better to put up with it for now rather than endure yet another defeat.

Rather than curling up again, he leans back until his head rests against the bark of the tree, gazing up at the spring leaves. Was it better that he and Guy had ultimately broken things off the way they did? Would he just have felt worse had he woken up alone in bed? He'd have vanished regardless, he's certain of that. For all his bravado, Asch the Bloody can be such a coward.

He's always running away from something, after all.

Maybe today... just for today, he won't run.]

It's better to just never make them. Promises are always broken.

Not always...

[That's all he says; Luke had always deemed promises, and even pinkie swears, important, even if they need to be broken at times. It at least meant that the person who gave it cared greatly about it, enough to want to keep it. They were never meant to be broken, after all. But Asch had always hated them; Luke had figured it out a while ago, upon thinking about how the Luke in the past hated pinkie swears. Giving his opinion wouldn't change anything and would probably start an argument, which isn't what they need right now.

For a few minutes, Luke just sits with his shoulder against Asch's, the link still alive and beating gently between them. This was something he'd never done with Asch before: talking and sitting together while keeping their connection open, and it was... different, yet... comforting, in a strange, deep sense.]

...Whatever. [Asch's response is little more than a mumble, torn between annoyance and resignation. At least Luke hadn't really tried to argue. That wouldn't have gone over very well.

At the same time it's... very strange for them to be so quiet. He's not used to this quiet comfort, this persistent companionship. It's almost like-

...But he doesn't want to think about that, so he pushes it from his mind, closing his eyes. He could close the link, shut down completely, push Luke aside and run again.

He could, but he doesn't. Strange, indeed.]

[It is kind of strange. Luke hardly ever resorts to this kind of comfort, after all; he usually tries with his words, even though he usually fails at that. Even now, Luke can't help trying to think of the words that might help the situation a little, even though he knows that it's impossible. No words made him feel better, and he was hurting the least of the two.

This, however... This was much more peaceful than trying to figure out how to say something that wouldn't set Asch off, push him away and run. Luke counted himself lucky that Asch was even letting him touch him in the first place. This silent companionship was... honestly making him feel a little better, and he only hoped that Asch felt the same way.

Still, he had to talk sometime. There had been an offer in his head that he was hesitant to propose, but ultimately, he had to. If he didn't... Who knows when he'd see Asch again? It took several more minutes for him to speak up, and even then, his voice was still quiet, raising only a little more than Asch's.]

Asch, come back to the village with me. I don't mean right now... But some day, let's find a place to stay. A smaller place, just for us. [Not House 5. There were too many memories, not to mention that it was frankly too big for the two of them. Luke couldn't imagine helping with chores in a house that big.]

[Asch wants to scoff at him. Almost does, but one thing holds him back: the fact that Luke is, at least in part, correct. House 5 isn't a home for them anymore- everything that made it one for Asch is gone. It wouldn't be the same to live there, where every day he would expect to find Guy around the corner, or in the kitchen, or in his room to help him pour over the books he'd hoped would save his life. Or to discuss anything and everything on each others' minds that needed to be said.

...Or-

...None of anyone's business but his. Too many memories, too many things that would hurt him, in the end. And he didn't want that. If he had to return to the village - and surely he would, eventually - then he didn't want to return and live there.

They had to move.

His voice is quiet when he finally responds; gruff, vague, and as bland as he could make it to conceal his concern and fear.]

...Just for us? What kind of stupid idea is that, the two of us living alone together? Do you even know what you're suggesting?

I know.

[He thinks he knows, anyway. They'd fight. They'd fight a lot, and vicious words would be said, and they'd grow frustrated with each other. They might just take off alone and wonder why they even agreed to stay with each other. No matter how many steps they took towards improving their relationship, there would always be a sense of animosity between them.

But they were still original and replica. Luke still cared deeply for Asch, and if they lived separately, he's sure that he'd stop by way too many times to see how he's doing. And there was still the fact that they were trying to take steps to make things work between them, not to mention that Luke had nowhere else to stay without imposing on anyone. He's pretty sure it's the same way for Asch, too. It just seemed like the right choice for Luke.]

I know I ask stupid stuff without thinking about them sometimes, but I did this time.

...Hn. [Asch doubts he's really thought it through; not when practically every time they're together, his one and only goal is making Luke feel as inferior as humanly possible. The idea that he's weighed the pros and cons of this potential arrangement and is okay with it is ludicrous, and is reason enough for Asch to doubt him.

If he'd gone back ho- ...to the house, though, where would he have gone, if not there? And if he'd gone there, then... they'd be living together anyway. The two of them... without Guy.

Could they do it? Could they really live with each other like that? The idea of it... it just felt... wrong.

But is it better than being alone...]

...Don't expect an answer now.

[Not a yes. But not a no, either.]

... All right.

[Just the fact that Asch didn't outright reject him gave Luke some hope, and it even made him smile a little before he shut his eyes and relaxed. Living together, if it even happened, would be hard and he knew it, what with Asch constantly calling him such degrading names. But he was sure it'd be worth it. Neither of them would be alone.

Their conversation was over and he knew it, but... Luke didn't particularly want to leave. Now that he'd finally found Asch, and now that he actually felt... comfortable and not abandoned for the first time since Guy disappeared, it was hard to just leave. Maybe Asch wouldn't mind him staying like this for a while...]

[And Asch... doesn't move. For a long while, actually, just resting there with Luke so close, oddly content with the companionship. He considers the matter closed, so he's not about to start chatting his replica up or anything, but... if he wants to stay? Asch won't force him to leave. Even if the idea of accepting companionship from Luke still baffles and almost frightens him, the idea of being alone again - with the link active and so peaceful - is even more frightening right now.

Maybe he can be weak for a little while. Maybe... this is okay.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

013 [Voice/Actionish] (Backdated to the day before the event)

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]