009 [Voice]

[fabrecation]

[Filtered from Abyss Crew; 10% Unhackable]

How do you get better faster if you're sick?

[It's worth noting that since Luke's voice is slightly hoarse and a little deeper from whatever he's infected with, he sounds just like Asch. Maybe slightly more raspy, but otherwise he's pretty spot on and doesn't even know it.]

Comments

[fabrecation]

... Probably not. Every time I go to sleep I keep waking myself up just a little later.

[fourteen]

... I think I can stay a little while longer, then. [ tiny smile. ]

Hey, were you going to ask me something before? [ she remembers! ] Before you started coughing.

[fabrecation]

Huh? ... Oh, right.

[First, though, he'll push himself up more to lean the pillow against the headboard, giving him a place to sit back on. This might be a long talk, after all.]

I was going to ask what your world was like. We're... pretty close, right? But we still barely know anything about each other's worlds.

[fourteen]

[ that gets a blink out of her, her expression momentarily clearing to make way for surprise. then she just looks thoughtful. talking about her world has never really bothered her, but with Luke, it's ... somehow a little different.

besides, she does know a little about his world ... thanks to Natalia. but she can come back to that later. ]

... I wasn't created there, but the world I lived in was called The World That Never Was. From what I understand, most of the worlds I know from back home are a lot smaller than the worlds other people come from... The World That Never Was had only an empty city full of monsters and the Castle. That's where we lived... me, and Axel, and Roxas, and the rest of the Organization. There were just thir-- fourteen of us, at first, so it was always pretty quiet... And that world was always dark. It had no sun, just a moon. There weren't any seasons, either... though it did rain sometimes. [ ... that probably covers most of it. ]

[fabrecation]

[... Oh. Wow. That's... awfully dreary. And tiny, compared to his world. Very tiny... Kind of like knowing of nothing outside of the world other than the manor. Luke looks down at the bed covers at that.]

It sounds kind of depressing... But it's home, right?

[fourteen]

[ ... she shakes her head, slowly. ]

I never really liked it that much. It's one of the reasons I always enjoyed my missions... I got to go see the other worlds, where there were people, and animals, and plants, and sunlight... [ there are other reasons, of course, but no need to go into those. ]

Besides, something -- something happened, and a whole bunch of us ... [ a beat. this happened so early in her life her memories of it are a little hazy, but she sort of managed to learn about it second hand. ] Well, for a long time, there were only nine of us there. Luceti had more people than I'd ever, ever seen. I didn't know that many people could even exist! It was a little scary, at first. But I like knowing there are lots of people around... Luceti is my home now, anyway.

[fabrecation]

[He listens, and he raises his head to look at her to indicate that he is, but at those words, "Luceti is my home now"... he looks down at the covers again. He's only been here for a few months... Could he ever consider this place "home"? It still seems like such a different place - the currency, the homes, even the way months work, and just... how it feels. Luke can barely feel any fonons at all even when he tries.

... But at the same time, he's not sure if he could consider Auldrant "home", either. He wasn't supposed to be born there, after all... And everyone who knows him does so merely as a copy of the real Luke. What kind of existence is that? Here, most everyone knows him as Luke... Just Luke. Not a copy, not a defect, just... Luke.

It's still too early to tell. That's all he can tell himself now, and it's after that long pause that he looks up at the ceiling instead, focusing on another topic in her explanation.]

... I know what that's like.

[fourteen]

[ if only he knew. maybe she'll tell him -- that Luceti is home now because she can't ever go back, not even if she wanted to, because all that awaits her is total oblivion.

instead she tilts her head. ] ... what do you mean?

[fabrecation]

When I was... created, I was taken back home to the manor. I had to learn everything there; how to walk, how to talk, remembering faces and names... For a while, that was my whole world, because they never let me out of there. They kept saying it was because they were afraid I'd be kidnapped again... even though that wasn't really me.

The real reason for it was because of the Score. They wanted to keep me there and away from the world until the end... What was the point, if I was going to die anyway? [He gives a half smile and a slight shrug.] I'm pretty lucky that it didn't turn out that way!

[fourteen]

[ that makes her eyebrows draw up. Xion ... never had to learn how to do those things. not that she even remembers her first days ... she just knows that somehow, somewhere along the way, she became Xion. she doesn't remember the faceless puppet that was programmed in how to walk and fight, so as not to be useless from the start...

but that's not really what stops her, or what makes her look so surprised and so sad. "I'm pretty lucky that it didn't turn out that way!"

"We're... pretty close, right?"

Her grip on his hand abruptly tightens, and she looks away. ]

... Luke, there's ... there's something you should know about me. We are close, and ... and -- you can't not know this... [ she takes a deep breath. ] There's another reason Luceti is my home now. I can't ever go back there... to my world.

[fabrecation]

[Well, that makes his attention go right back to her. There's something about that statement, something that tells him it's not as simple as just not wanting to go back, or not being able to thanks to the Malnosso. His own grip tightens, and he leans his head to the side a little to try and look at her face.]

You can't...? Why not?

[fourteen]

[ nope sorry very determinedly trying to hide her face from him. ]

... remember how I told you I was created to be a weapon? Well... I didn't want that. I tried to put an end to it myself, and ran away... I wanted to go rejoin Sora, and give his memories back. Doing that... doing that would mean I'd stop existing. Since I'm made of memories... if I gave those memories back, every one would forget me. Like I was never there at all.

Axel showed up, and tried to stop me... we got into a fight. I don't remember much after that, but ... I think something ... happened to me. [ Xemnas. ] But after that... it was too late to turn back. I found Roxas, and... I made him fight me. ... he won.

[ her grip on his hand abruptly loosens, like she wants to pull away. ] It was my choice... I had to go. Otherwise... otherwise, something terrible would have happened.

[ a beat, then very gently: ] I died, Luke. That's when I woke up here, in Luceti...

[fabrecation]

[Some of that doesn't make very much sense to Luke, but he still watches her. After all, he's used to having someone explain something and him not get the whole meaning. Soon, it'd be clear to him.

And in the end, it's horribly clear. Xion, the person he's grown so close to, the one who's been so kind and happy... is dead in her world? Maybe he doesn't fully understand the circumstances of it, but that doesn't matter.

He's not letting her pull away, because his grip tightens more.]

No... Xion, that- That can't be true! You couldn't have...

[fourteen]

[ she gives a single laugh, the sound of it empty and sad, and finally looks up at him. there's a smile on her face, echoing the tone of her laugh, and she shakes her head. ]

... the last thing I remember from my world is fading away in Roxas's arms. Luke ... do you remember what you said to me, after that big experiment at the end of November? About changing your destiny... it was so nice to hear that. It made me so happy. I wanted so badly to believe in it... I mean, I can change things in Luceti. I'll always hold onto that. But at home... there isn't a future for me. There never will be.

[ she looks away, still smiling that sad smile. ] ... Luceti is my last chance. That's why ... even despite all of the bad things, I like it here. I get to live my own life, for me... and I get to be just myself. Xion.

[fabrecation]

[Luke has to look down at the covers upon hearing all of that, eyes wide from the revelation. He feels so much worse than he has these past few hours - even hotter, even more sick to his stomach, and his head hurts. He had told her that, hadn't he... without even thinking of the fact that people have died, and thus they can't change what happened to them.

He's so stupid...]

... I'm so sorry. For saying all of that... for what happened. I didn't mean... [He reaches his free hand up to rub at his forehead. Why was she doomed to never return, while he can go and live on whenever the Malnosso want him to? It seemed so unfair...]

[fourteen]

What? No, no! Please don't... don't feel bad. [ she shifts her grip on his hand, grasping it instead of leaving their fingers interlinked. ] Like I said, it really made me happy to hear that! I was more worried about my future here in Luceti than my future back home at that time, anyway... [ her mouth quirks up at that, in a way that's almost genuine. he was right, after all -- she was able to change her fate. these feelings she has -- her scar, that she's so proud of -- it must be true. ]

[fabrecation]

["But if you go back..."

Luke doesn't want to think about it, the same way he doesn't want to think about one day attending school and not seeing Gelda at the front of the class. They have so much more to lose than everyone else... Especially since Xion is a replica. It's one of the reasons Luke's so afraid of dying, even if he thinks it's the best way for him - what happens to them afterward?

But... for however long Luceti allows her to, she has a new life. A life where she can be Xion... just like how he now has a life where he can be Luke. So, while he might have just looked at her sadly with his own loose hand held in hers, after some thought, he shuts his eyes and grips her hand.]

I think I understand.

[fourteen]

I'm sorry... I just thought you should know. [ finally she returns his grip, no longer wanting to pull away.

it occurs to her maybe -- maybe -- she should tell him that's not the only time she died. but there's been enough sad things for one day, hasn't there? another time, when he's not sick on top of everything else. ]

[fabrecation]

... Thanks. For letting me know.

[He opens his eyes, chances a smile.]

At least here... we can be ourselves. You know? Not just replicas with names, but... us.

[fourteen]

[ ... when Saix recovers all his memories, that will be another matter. "little Miss Counterfeit" also springs to mind. maybe none of the bad guys from Luke's world are here? ... if so ... that's good.

her smile is a little weak, and she hesitates just a second too long, but she nods. ]

[fabrecation]

[If Van were to come here... He probably wouldn't even dare to say that. But as it stands, even Asch is trying hard to accept that Luke is his own person, trying not to call him a replica anymore, just as Luke is trying so hard to accept his own name. And Dist is mostly leaving him alone, although that's also because Luke is avoiding him whenever he can.

But... It's still hard. Van's words spring to mind the moment he spoke; "You were born as a replacement, meant to be thrown away".

And that's why, before Xion can smile and nod, Luke breaks the eye contact to stare down at the blankets, his own smile slipping away. At least he dared to say it... At least he's getting somewhere.]

[fourteen]

[ Xion's own smile fades as she watches him.

They try -- with their hopeful words and smiles, always edged with desperation -- but it doesn't always work, does it? Pretending to believe they matter, pretending they think it's all okay. It's all pretend. They're pretend -- it's not such an easy thing to move past when all you've ever known is your own worthlessness.

More than anything, Xion wishes she could curl up against him. That being ... not entirely possible, she reaches out to touch his cheek, no longer caring if that seems strange or overly affectionate. She brushes her fingers against his face, grips his hand, and tries to communicate without words what it is she wants to say.

It's okay. ]

[fabrecation]

[And all of that is true; Luke does pretend, for everyone else's sake as well as his own, but never quite believing whatever they tell him or what he tells himself. He had shouted "I am me" to Van with such desperation that it was like he was trying to get both Van and himself to believe it.

The touch against his cheek, though... This is the first time anyone has touched him like that. And his blush can probably be seen through his fever now, but he doesn't particularly mind. Luke just smiles again, a small one, but a little more genuine than the last one, and brings his free hand up to entwine fingers with her - his palm against the back of her hand. There's an unfamiliar urge there, to press her hand against his cheek or... or... Actually, he's not sure. But he doesn't give in to it, just glances at her with his own silent reply.

Yeah. It's okay.]

[fourteen]

[ By all rights, Xion should know these signs, or at least be familiar with them. She should be able to name the feeling that's in her heart, pulsing through her veins and making her skin tingle when he lays his hand over hers.

And maybe some part of her does know -- recognizes, albeit distantly -- that she's slowly falling in love with him.

But right now, that's just not what she cares about. It's not even on her mind. She cups his face with her hand, fingers shifting slightly between his, and gives him a gentle, barely there smile. Barely there -- but much more real than what she was attempting just moments ago.

Softly, without really meaning to speak these words aloud: ] I'm glad I came.

[fabrecation]

[... Luke's getting that feeling again - to do something - but what? All he can do is keep his hands where they are and fight the urge to look away and say something dismissive. That's the way he always handled situations that made him feel so flustered before, but it'd always just make the other person go away or huff at him. He certainly doesn't want that right now.

So, while he does glance away, he still manages to look back at her, his own smile growing a little. Yes, he heard that, and yes, he sees that smile.]

I'm glad, too. ... Thanks for coming.