fabrecation | 026 [written]

[It's so bad now that Luke feels like he can barely get out of bed except for necessary needs. It's... honestly kind of strange. Sure, he's scared, and sure, he hates having to lay here and just wait for it to happen, despite writing and drawing to pass the time. But he isn't quite as terrified as he was just a month ago.

It's like he's accepted that this is happening in a quiet, somber sort of way.

There's pain every day, he's tired every day, he's thin and pale and looks as if he's just wasting away, as if he's all that's left after tiny pieces of himself slowly just... faded away. Even his hair seemed not quite as full as it ought to be.

He hated it, yes. But it's happening. And he's close to fading away completely, he knows that. Maybe that's why he's mostly okay with this. It can finally be over.

He'd only flipped through the journal to keep track of everyone. Now, though, he can't help being morbidly curious, in a way. So, making sure that he himself is out of sight, he writes slowly to the masses.]

If someone told you that you didn't have much longer to live, what would you do about it? What would you do with the last days of your life?

[It's a question that could be asked even by a curious healthy person, something to get people to think. He can think of it that way, and get answers that he might just need because of it.]

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They might be sad, but it's not fair to keep 'em in the dark. Even if they'd be sad about me dying, just letting 'em find out after it's happened would be a whole lot worse.

They wouldn't even know what was coming until it was too late.

"This line of discussion is a bit worrying, is all."

[YOU ARE DEALING WITH A JEDI, BRO]

Edited 2012-07-12 03:23 (UTC)

Oh, um... I don't know if I'd actually tell them about it. It might be better if they didn't know at all-- that way they wouldn't have to be sad.

[Sanji doesn't bother with written messages, too spoiled off the straightforward convenience of voiced replies, but this question is enough to urge an exception, all things considered. He picks up his pen and writes]

Just keep living. If nothing else, you don't wanna be forgotten, right?

Yeah, that sounds good. Then they could all be happy. I don't like being sad, so I'd want to make everybody smile before I died.

[Yeah Luke... he doesn't rise to that bait.] Wondering about it.

It doesn't sound stupid at all. [In fact, it's exactly what Souji did for four years. Guess that's why he ended up dying, but uh....yeah.] It's terrifying, realizing the end is so near.

But we are all going to die sometime. Some of us are strangely and unfortunately blessed with knowing when it will come. I suppose that lets us try to make the most of the time we have left, though.

[Yeah right.]

Then how come you're all philosophical all of a sudden?

Then... then in that case, I dunno. I think it'd be a waste to just give up and succumb to whatever it is that's killin' you though, you know? So I'd like to just try to do somethin' at least, and do what I can to stay alive, even if there supposedly isn't a cure.

[Or... something. At this point, he's mainly just thinking aloud, really.]

[...

What she would eat? Without any sort of repercussions?]

I think I would eat a whole cake.

Well... Not everyone can be strong all the time. People probably say that a lot, but it's true. Sometimes people just fall apart if they're too strong.

That sure sounds like him. [...] Hey... I know the thing I wrote up there doesn't have to do with this, but could you tell me about him back on your world? I never got to know his story or anything. [And hearing about what one of his friends has/had been up to sounds much more appealing than talking about dying.]

[...]

I think them staying happy would be enough for me. [As in, dealing with something on his own.]

At least, that's how I'd feel.

Thanks.

[He'll at least say that before moving on to the next person. Heh... She's sweet. And though he's nervous, he really can't wait until he's better so that he can show her what he knows.]

I... guess it is.

[GODDAMN JEDIS Luke should just stop being surprised]

I like the sound of that.

...

Keep smiling, okay? I know you're good at that.

[There's a little pause from him as well. To him, that's a given. It's what he's been doing all this time. So, he writes again.]

Anything else? Like... something you never got to do, or stuff with friends?

I wouldn't really call it "blessed" or anything. Wouldn't knowing just make you even more scared? [It did for him, at least.]

[There's a pause, and then:] Lots of people wonder about it, right? [He's starting to run out of defenses, though. He can tell Minato's pretty much figured it out.]

[It's... reassuring to hear that. All this time, people would call him an idiot for not saying anything, that he doesn't need to handle this alone. So to hear that he isn't a coward, that someone gets it, that it's his choice?

It makes him smile, despite the subject, even chuckle as he runs a hand through his hair. It almost feels like he doesn't have to feel so guilty for holding everything back... and so close to his time of death, it's such a welcome relief.]

... Yeah. A few months now. I thought I could just ignore it for a while, but... well, I can't really do that right now. I look and feel pretty pathetic.

It sounds like a nice thing to do, yeah... Just try to do everything to stay alive.

[He's quiet while he speaks, and maybe a little weak as well. Luke is more thoughtful than anything... But it's still kind of hard to talk about, especially to try hiding as much as possible.]

I think I'd just want to make people happy. If I can do that... I guess I'd be happy, too. It's better than making them sad over what's happening to me.

You're probably right. Maybe it's selfish to do.

[Doesn't mean that it makes it any easier, or eases that guilt in his chest.]

Then how would you make them happy?

It's what I'm trying to do, to be honest. After all that, I kept wondering what I could do to make it up to people. He told me to make everyone in the world happy, and even if I can't, put that much effort into it.

I know it's not enough, but... I'm not letting that stop me from trying.

... Yeah, I guess so. It just sounds like a scary thing to tell people, that's all.

A whole cake?

[...]

Actually, that sounds amazing.

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