fabrecation | 026 [written]

[It's so bad now that Luke feels like he can barely get out of bed except for necessary needs. It's... honestly kind of strange. Sure, he's scared, and sure, he hates having to lay here and just wait for it to happen, despite writing and drawing to pass the time. But he isn't quite as terrified as he was just a month ago.

It's like he's accepted that this is happening in a quiet, somber sort of way.

There's pain every day, he's tired every day, he's thin and pale and looks as if he's just wasting away, as if he's all that's left after tiny pieces of himself slowly just... faded away. Even his hair seemed not quite as full as it ought to be.

He hated it, yes. But it's happening. And he's close to fading away completely, he knows that. Maybe that's why he's mostly okay with this. It can finally be over.

He'd only flipped through the journal to keep track of everyone. Now, though, he can't help being morbidly curious, in a way. So, making sure that he himself is out of sight, he writes slowly to the masses.]

If someone told you that you didn't have much longer to live, what would you do about it? What would you do with the last days of your life?

[It's a question that could be asked even by a curious healthy person, something to get people to think. He can think of it that way, and get answers that he might just need because of it.]

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... That sure sounds like a nice way to go. Sounds kind of scary, though. I mean... knowing that they know.

... Pleasantly?

[Did the guy not write it correctly, or...?]

[She writes slowly, in separated bursts.]

I always wanted to learn how to ice skate. To teach a class. To visit Japan. To travel a lot, actually. There are a lot of things. A bucket list is just all the things one wants to accomplish in life, within reason. I'm not going to learn how to breathe underwater... Outside of an experiment, anyway.

Would you let them know what's going on, then? Or would you want everyone to be happy around you?

[It's... kind of surreal, getting answers like this. Knowing that at least some of these people have experienced it too, even if he doesn't know who.]

A legacy, huh...

[Though to Luke, leaving a legacy means to have children. Not that he's against it or anything; it just always takes him a moment to realize that it could have more than one meaning.]

I think... I'd like that, too. Just to know that I impacted someone - in a good way. [Lord knows he's already done enough negative things back on his world.]

[By now, Luke's heard so many answers that he just wants to spill everything to his closest friends.

But he's still so damn afraid to do so.]

Ah... Nothing's wrong. You don't have to worry.

Yeah! I didn't even know you could make some of those things! You'd really like it - there were these roller coaster things that - you were in this cart attached to these tracks, and it was like you flew over the tracks! And there were games and...

[Ugh okay he has to breathe a little harder now.] It was... a lot of fun, is what I'm trying to say.

[He'd offer a pinky swear, too. But... yeaaah, that does seem a little awkward over the journals. So, he sets down his pen and holds up his left hand, his dominant hand.]

A promise, then. And hold on - [He grabs his pen to write down the house number on a notepad nearby.] Fifty-six, right? Got it. I'll get back to you when I'm feeling better!

~~Well~~

Yeah, maybe. I was just [And then there's a frustrated scribble of a word. Dammit, he didn't want people to pick up on this...]

thinking.

[There isn't a reply for a few minutes.

But when he does write, it's slow, the handwriting just a little more shaky, even though he's trying to keep himself steady.]

I'm bad at this, huh? I didn't want [And he stops there. This is hard...]

[...Poor Luke. He feels a little bad for putting him on the spot. But at the least, Minato can offer a bit of openness of his own.]

You aren't alone in that.

And just do whatever you could to make them happy, huh?

... Someone told me that once. After I made a really bad mistake.

[He thinks for a moment. What all did he want to accomplish? Well... thinking on it, everything he thinks of are impossible. To have forgiveness, to make everyone in his world happy, to be with his girlfriend forever. What else?

While he's thinking on that, though...]

You know, when winter comes, I could always try to teach you how to ice skate. I'm not that great at it myself, but...

Hey, don't sweat it. You can join the club. [There you go, man. Tit for tat.] Granted I'm not in the process of dying at this point, but I kinda already made that jump. Don't know how much good I am, but if you wanna talk about it I'm here.

Thinking? [He's tempted to write "I sure hope I'm not alone in that", but joking at a time like this probably wouldn't be appreciated.]

[The offer is pretty tempting... Even if it makes a stupid scared little lump show up in his throat.]

I

~~How~~

I haven't told a lot of people. I'm just... I'm scared to. And I feel like a coward because of it. I know everyone's going to be mad at me, but every time I try to say something to them... I just can't.

That too. But I'd want to make sure my life at least affected someone else's. In a positive way, that is. If I could have that, I think I'd be happy.

Really? [He hesitates to ask more, but continues on.] ... Someone I knew lived by those words too.

Don't have to feel that way--you're not a coward. There's plenty of reason not to tell people; sometimes it's better off that way. Letting people know what's waiting for you here or at home? It just makes things harder. I definitely get that.

Ultimately, it's your choice.

I take it that you have an illness? For a while now?

Be that as it may, I think they would rather be a little sad now, rather than look back and wish they had spent more time with you.

They'd feel better knowing you weren't trying to deal with everything on your own.

[...] Or at least, that how I think they would feel.

Edited 2012-07-11 22:08 (UTC)

[She thinks of Minako, who hadn't told any of them - and whose death and funeral had come as such as shock.]

Although I can understand not wanting to make everyone sad, won't they also be sad if they never knew, and suddenly someone important is taken away from them?

Yeah. As long as someone remembers you, you're never truly gone.

He sure is! And yep! All of us knew him somehow! [he nods, though.]

Yeah, Mewtwo is good about that. He really helped us out of a lot of tight spots.

Not strong enough.

[Not strong enough to face death bravely. Not strong enough not to scream and plead...]

Right! I hope you feel better soon, Luke! [ She'll let him go for now, since he does sound tired. And it's rude to bother sick people, according to her absent mother. ]

[He hasn't thought about such a situation since his mother died, so it takes him a little while to come up with something.]

Then try and last as long as you can.

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[written] no worries! <3

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